How Michael Jackson’s Music Saved My Life During My First Year in America
By Marina Raydun
Growing up with Michael Jackson's music looked different for me than it might have been for others. I didn’t experience Thriller or Bad as cultural phenomena when they first came out. I was alive for those iconic moments but on the eastern side of the Iron Curtain. Our access to Western pop music was rare, tantalizingly limited, and oh-so delayed. The closest we came to international exposure were German bands like Modern Talking or Italian singers like Al Bano and Toto Cutugno. But Michael Jackson transcended those boundaries. Even behind the Iron Curtain, his music seeped through cracks in the walls, and it became my lifeline.
Michael Jackson and My Introduction to Music as Art
My first encounter with Michael Jackson's music came through his music video for Remember the Time. It must have been 1991 or 1992, and I was lying on my sister’s sofa bed, flipping through the sparse programming on our small TV. We literally had two and a half channels to choose from (and I do mean half because it was only on for a few hours a day). Then it happened—images of a mythical Egypt appeared, a man dissolved into golden sand, and his voice filled the room. I was mesmerized.
“Who is that?” I asked my older sister, who always seemed to know more about the wider world than I did.
“That’s Michael Jackson,” she said, as if it were obvious. She explained the video was for a song called Remember the Time. I had no idea how she knew this. Maybe a smuggled magazine or a bootleg VHS tape gave her that insight, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was the spell that video cast over me. It unlocked something in my mind—a new ability to perceive color, possibility, and art.
I was never the same again.
The Dangerous Tape That Changed My World
A year or so later, a schoolmate lent me a copy of Michael Jackson's Dangerous album that he had brought back from a humanitarian trip to Italy. It was my first time hearing the album in its entirety, and it felt like a miracle. My sister’s boyfriend made a copy for me, and I listened to it obsessively. I didn’t have a personal stereo (or a room to call my own), but our living room held a stereo my father had built, and every morning when the space was mine, I would press play and escape into Michael Jackson’s world.
The music wasn’t just background noise. It was a lifeline. Songs like Jam, Black or White, and Will You Be There spoke to my soul in ways I didn’t fully understand at the time. Michael Jackson’s influence on fans, especially young ones like me, is well-documented, but the personal impact his music had on my life was profound.
Coming to America: The Beginning of a New Life
In 1994, when I was 11 years old, my family left our homeland for Brooklyn, New York. This was the beginning of a new chapter I eagerly awaited, but it was also a tumultuous one. My parents had only $3,000 to their name, making every penny stretch. While we were fortunate to have donated furniture (as well as pieces curated from the curbside) and food stamps, the emotional strain of starting over was immense. My mom was deeply depressed, my dad was busy working long hours, and I was thrown into a completely unfamiliar environment.
School was the most daunting challenge of all. I didn’t speak English, and the expectation was that I would absorb it effortlessly because of my age. When that didn’t happen, I felt broken. The laughter of my classmates and the isolation I felt daily crushed me.
Michael Jackson’s Music as My Sanctuary
In the chaos of that first year, our one indulgence—a used stereo purchased for $100—became my salvation. Every day after school, I would retreat into Michael Jackson’s music. I’d play Dangerous from start to finish, imagining concerts where I performed alongside him.
Songs like Heal the World and Gone Too Soon became anthems of hope and comfort. When the loneliness felt unbearable, Michael Jackson's music reminded me that art could transport me to another world. It gave me something to look forward to and a sense of belonging that I couldn’t find elsewhere.
Michael Jackson's Legacy in My Life
I don’t mean it lightly when I say Michael Jackson's songs changed my life. His music became the bridge between my old world and my new one. It gave me the strength to navigate the complexities of being a preteen immigrant, struggling to fit in while holding on to the pieces of myself that made me unique.
Michael Jackson’s influence on fans often lies in his ability to make them feel seen and heard. For me, his music was the voice of reassurance I needed during my most challenging year. Even as I struggled to adjust to a new culture and language, I felt connected to a larger, global community of fans who loved and revered his artistry. That image became my best (imaginary) friend when I had none.
Reflecting on Childhood Memories with Michael Jackson’s Music
Looking back, it’s clear that Michael Jackson’s music shaped my childhood in ways I couldn’t have predicted. It wasn’t just the catchy melodies or the groundbreaking visuals; it was the sense of empowerment and creativity his music inspired in me.
As I’ve grown older, the role of Michael Jackson’s music in my upbringing has taken on even greater significance. His legacy reminds me of the resilience and imagination that got me through those lonely days. The stereo, the tape, and those unforgettable songs became symbols of hope and transformation at a time when I desperately needed both. I still have my little gray tape. It is one of my most prized possessions.
The Impact of Michael Jackson’s Songs on My Life
Michael Jackson's greatest hits weren’t just songs—they were lifelines. They carried me through a year of uncertainty and fear, offering solace when little else could. His music didn’t just shape my childhood; it saved it.
Today, when I hear Remember the Time, I’m transported back to that small living room where an 11-year-old girl found courage in the melodies of an artist who seemed to understand her struggles.
Michael Jackson’s music and personal stories remain intertwined with my own, a testament to the enduring power of art to heal, inspire, and connect us across time and space.
For a deeper dive into this transformative period of my life and how Michael Jackson’s music intertwined with my journey, you can explore my fictionalized memoir, Year One. It offers more context about my transition to America, the struggles of adapting to a new world, and music’s profound role in shaping my identity. Through its pages, you'll find a richer exploration of the memories and emotions that defined that pivotal first year and the enduring impact of Michael Jackson’s songs on my personal story.
